The beginning of a new year is always a time for folks to think of ways to improve their lives, and the most popular, and sometimes most difficult, desire is to shed pounds off our bodies! Especially after the holidays, most of have a few extra pounds we want to shed! Some folks go on successful healthy eating and exercise programs and are able to shed large amount of weight! I have some women in my extended family that have found a system that works for them, and they have lost a lot of weight over the last year and feel much better and more energetic!

Our bodies are an amazing, complex, and intricate creation by God, and if we take proper care of them, we will feel good, enjoy life to its fullest, and best live out God’s purpose for us. But we all fail to do this at different levels, and if we don’t eat and exercise properly, we are more susceptible to sickness and disease. Whether it’s COVID or any other disease, it’s always those who are physically weaker with compromised immunity and other system failures, that are more likely to get very sick and die.

If you are a Christian and have surrendered your life to Jesus, do you realize your body is no longer your own? In I Corinthians 6: 19-20, it says:

¹⁹  Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.  -1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)

So, as Christians, we are told to take care of our bodies because God himself now dwells inside of us through his Holy Spirit! He wants us to honor him by taking good care this marvelous gift of a body! And, for believers, the idea of “my body, my choice” is not true, because it’s HIS body to be use for HIS purposes. So, let’s take care of what God has given to us!

BUT, MOST PEOPLE KNOW WE ARE MUCH MORE THAN JUST A PHYSICAL BODY!

The Bible says our total existence can be described as a “living soul”! Jesus reminds how crucial the soul is in Matthew 16:

²⁵  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. ²⁶  What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?  -Matthew 16:25-26 (NIV)

So, what in the world is a soul, anyway?

Many people have tried to explain this, and no one probably has a perfect description of this. I like the explanation of Dallas Willard, the late Christian philosopher/deep spiritual thinker. He defined the soul as “the capacity to integrate all the parts into a single, whole life”. He describes the soul as like the “operating system” that coordinates and “runs” all the parts of who we are. He then imagines 4 concentric circles to explain our “parts”. The center, core circle is described as our human Spirit, and also as our Heart and Will. The next circle is our Mind, which includes our thoughts & feelings. Our next outer circle is our physical Body, with the final circle being our Soul, which puts all our parts together in perfect harmony to be who God created us to be!

The problem, of course, is that because of sin in our lives, our “parts” are messed up and out of sync with what God created us to be!  For example, our culture is obsessed with buff men and curvy women who look great on the outside, but can be totally messed up, immature, mean, and foolishly lost on the inside. Just think of many of our Hollywood stars, athletes, and even politicians and TV pundits! Our souls are “lost” and dis-integrated from God. Jesus came to save our lost souls, and re-integrate them and restore us to the complete, amazing people we were created to be!

HOW DOES THIS PROCESS HAPPEN? HOW DOES JESUS HELP US TO “SHED” THE WEIGHT OF ALL THE SINFUL JUNK THAT “SCREWS US UP” ON THE INSIDE AND MAKES US MISERABLE?

1) This is NOT a self-help, do it yourself plan you can find in bookstores or on the Internet! According to God, our chief designer, only HE can truly change us from the inside out! You cannot overcome sin and fully change your heart on your own effort!

2) The good news is, Jesus died to take away the power of sin in our lives, and if we will put our trust in him, he has promised to permanently put his own Holy Spirit in you and change your from the inside out! The same power that raised Jesus’ body from death can now dwell in you and empower you to begin to think, feel, and act the way designed you to be!

Think of those concentric circles of our soul again. God will send his Spirit to dwell in your core, which is your human spirit, heart, and will. He will transform your spirit and change your heart and will. From there he will move out to transform you mind, your thoughts and feelings. And when you begin to think and feel differently, your body will respond in a totally new way by the words and actions that come from your inner core! Then, your soul, your whole being, will be transformed into someone completely new, and the world will take notice! Paul describes it this way in II Corinthians 5:17-  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come! The old has gone, the new is here!”

So, what does this look like when God changes us from the inside out? What are those miserable, destructive desires, thoughts, and feelings that God will change in us, and wants us to “shed”? And, what will he give us in place of them to transform us? After all, this is not just a “weight reduction plan” where we shed the bad stuff; he also promises to fill us with his good stuff that allows us to live as we were intended!

Paul describes the whole process amazingly well in Galatians 5. Note this not only describes the rot of our own souls, but perfectly describes the destructive thoughts and behavior we see in society today and in each generation under the curse of sinfulness! Paul calls this amazing transformation “Walking by the Spirit”!

¹³  You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. ¹⁴  The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” ¹⁵  If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

¹⁶  So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. ¹⁷  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. ¹⁸  But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. ¹⁹  The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰  idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions ²¹  and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

 ²²  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,²³  gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴  Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. ²⁵  Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. ²⁶  Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. -Galatians 5:13-26 (NIV)

I wish you “Happy Shedding” in 2022!

Seek to take care of your body, and shed some unnecessary pounds if that’s needed, and exercise regularly!

But more importantly, ask Jesus to forgive your sin, and then send his Holy Spirit to permanently dwell in your heart, empower your spirit, and begin to change you into a new creation, from the inside out!

May you be a different and more wonderful person by the end of the year!

That’s a question people may ask at different times in their lives! I’m sure that people who have lost a spouse often may ask this question. I know in the first few months after Claudia died, I found myself at least thinking about this. I imagined that if I were to die in my sleep one night, I wouldn’t be unhappy with that scenario at all! After all, then I would be with Jesus and reunited with Claudia, and very happy! ( although I’m sure my family might have thought differently!)  I’ve also visited many, many folks over the years who were seriously ill, severely  injured and incapacitated, or just very elderly, having lost bodily functions or mental clarity, who legitimately asked this question also. Just to be clear, in my situation, I’m not asking that question from a depressed perspective at all, now 14 months after Claudia moved on to live with Jesus. I’ll be 70 next year, and I’m hoping to have maybe another 20 healthy years or so to enjoy my family, life with friends, and to live in such a positive, faithful way, that I can influence others to join God’s eternal Kingdom and grow closer to him!

HOWEVER, THIS IS STILL A VITAL QUESTION FOR ALL OF US TO ASK OURSELVES!

If you are younger, change it to “Why am I here at all? What is my purpose in life?”

As we enter a new year in 2022, I challenge you to ask yourself this question as you consider who you will be and what you will do next year. After all, actually connecting with God and his plan for your life may be much more beneficial than making some silly New Year’s resolutions that you will probably give up on in a month or two anyway!

Let me share some thoughts that I have for my future, thinking about what my purpose for being here should be, and maybe it will trigger some thoughts for you as well!

1) I HOPE TO GLORIFY GOD BY GETTING TO ACTUALLY KNOW HIM BETTER EACH DAY, IN AN INTIMATE AND PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP!

Now, I know this sounds really “spiritual” to some, and what you might expect from a retired pastor! And, it probably sounds boring and unrealistic to many of you. But, what we fail to recognize, even as Christians, is that all the fun and meaningful and best experiences of life were given to us BY GOD to enjoy, and he created us to enjoy them WITH HIM! We were created by God for HIS pleasure, to live with him and actually know him personally and enjoy this world he created with him! And secondly, God wants us to share that relationship with each other as humans as we also share it with God.

 Remember what Jesus said when asked what the greatest commandment was?

³⁰  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ ³¹  The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”Mark 12:30-31 (NIV)

In Matthew chapter 6 , Jesus lists all the basic things in life we worry about and think we need, and concludes in vs.33, “But seek first his Kingdom and is righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”. What he is telling us is that if you want the best and most fulfilling (and fun) life, start with God, not with the stuff and the cool experiences! The best experiences in life will come to us when we do them with him, and for him!

You see, life with God is much more than just “keeping breathing”! It is an amazing QUALITY of life that you can only have as you enter into a personal, intimate relationship with God! As Jesus was preparing to die for us, he prayed for his followers and also for us, his future believers:

¹  After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed: “Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. ² For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. ³  Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. ⁴  I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do.-  John 17:1-4 (NIV)

2) BECAUSE I KNOW GOD PERSONALLY, AND RECEIVE ETERNAL LIFE THROUGH THAT WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP, I CAN LIVE MY FUTURE WITH FAITH AND ASSURANCE, AND NOT BE FRIGHTENED BY ANTHING IN THIS WORLD, NOT EVEN DEATH ITSELF!

People have been afraid of many things in these past few years, and especially the COVID pandemic has caused many to fear the possibility of death. While no mentally healthy person should want to die physically, (and certainly we are called to take care of our bodies because they belong to God), we should not let the fear of death ever paralyze us from living fully the life God has given to us now! The goal of life should never be to simply survive; it should be to thrive under God’s direction and plan for us. The truth is, we are ALL going to die physically, even though most of us struggle with the actual reality of that idea. Every generation and every group of people in history has faced times of great disease, war, starvation, and enslavement to others, and we are not unique. (For example, read Isaiah and Jeremiah and see what horrors those people faced, mostly because they refused to trust in and obey God!)

The good news for us who trust in Jesus and know God personally is that physical death is not the end for us, and the fear and sting of death was removed for us by Jesus’ sacrificial death for us on the cross. Jesus explained this amazing truth to Martha after her brother Lazarus had died and she was mad at him for not coming in time to save him!

²⁵  Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; ²⁶  and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” – John 11:25-26 (NIV)

After watching Claudia die in the last few months of her life, I have a different perspective on death now. I really have no fear of death itself any more (although I’m not looking forward to any pain or suffering that may come before it!). But, I see death now as a transition into a far better and amazing life, as I shed this failing body (or tent, as Paul and Peter call it). I know that I will step into a future world that will be amazing beyond our imagination, again fully reunited with God, in his presence (and I will see Claudia again, and that will be amazing)! Either way, live or die, I’ve got it made, and so do you if you trust in Jesus! As Paul said eloquently in Philippians 1:

²¹  For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. ²²  If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! ²³  I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; ²⁴  but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. ²⁵  Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, ²⁶  so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.  -Philippians 1:21-26 (NIV)

All this leads me to the third thought about my future, which is the best of all!

3) I’M GOING TO LIVE FOREVER IN AN AMAZING NEW HEAVEN AND EARTH COMBINED, IN WHICH GOD WILL DWELL WITH US FOREVER!

The best is yet to come for us who trust in Jesus and desire to know God personally!

In both the Old and New Testament, there is the promise for those who trust in Jesus that God will redeem us and the world in the final chapter of history! He will restore and purify the world from all sin, and he will combine Heaven and Earth into one new world. All evil will be banished, we will get new bodies that will never get sick or die, and we all live with God in this amazing new world. An amazing description of this is found in Revelation 21 and 22.

SO, WHY AM I STILL HERE?

My purpose is to actually know God better and better each day, and as I do that, I will see my life, this world, and other people through Jesus’ eyes and heart more clearly.

And whether I live here 20 more years, or only 6 months, everything I do will be influenced for the better because of that relationship!

That means:

– I’m going to seek to use every experience in life to share the hope and great future that God offers to anyone who will trust him

– I’m going to appreciate and try to enjoy every aspect of life that comes my way, and every relationship, because God meant them to be good and enjoyable (and perhaps, God willing, share life with another wonderful Christian woman in the future!)

– I’m going to try to live each day with God’s peace and assurance in such a way that it appeals to others and wants them to experience this new Kingdom life also

– I’m going to attempt to live each day without fear of what may happen, knowing that nothing, not even death itself, can separate me from God and his love forever!

– I’m going to have fun and joy telling others about their chance to enter into an amazing future with God that will last forever, with a new body in an amazing new Heaven and Earth combined.

As I look at my future, I have nothing to lose that can’t be redeemed and restored by God in the future, and I have already gained everything that I need in Jesus.

So, I look forward to 2022 and getting to know God better, and be used by him to share his hope with others. What a great future and life he offers to us!

How about you? I pray you will come to know God in a personal way, if you haven’t already, and trust him with your future as well! There’s nothing better than that!!

I close with a beautiful prayer of Paul’s in Ephesians:

¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. -Ephesians 3:14-21 (NIV)

This past year, I have learned to enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles, usually 1,000 piece puzzles. Since my wife Claudia died just over one year ago now, I find this to be one good way to keep my mind occupied and fill up some of the new “alone time” I have now. (By the way, I’ve discovered that “alone time” is not the same as being lonely, although I obviously feel that at times as well!)

I think a lot of people think our lives are like a big jigsaw puzzle!

  We think if we can just find and perfectly match the right pieces (our mate, friends, jobs, families, paycheck, homes, vacations, locations, good health, etc.) everything will “fall into place” and the real picture of our life will come into focus and be a beautiful scene depicting everything we’ve always dreamed life should be like! Well, sorry to tell you this, but your fairytale life is NEVER going to happen perfectly as you think it should! WHY, you ask? Well, if you’re a Christian, you should already know this! The Bible tells us clearly, page after page, that we live in a world infected by SIN, and we are all infected with sin ourselves, and the result is a constantly messed up world that falls far short of what God created us for. That’s why we have war, disease, hatred, fear of others, divisive parties that want to control your life and tell you how to live, and finally, we all end up dying physically!

Now, that certainly doesn’t mean that life on this planet, even though flawed by sin, can’t be beautiful and filled with joy! We learn to love each other, and our lives, in spite of our imperfections! I was blessed with a wonderful marriage to Claudia for 42 years. But, it was not perfect, she was not perfect, and I was far, far, far less perfect than she was! Even though we are flawed, we still learn to love, cherish, and need each other. And even though the natural world is flawed, it still is amazing and breathtaking to see at times. God uses the brokenness of this world to help us look for something better, and in the process, we can learn to be graceful, merciful, and forgiving of others, especially when we honestly recognize our own brokenness as well!

One of the great things about a jigsaw puzzle is that it comes with a picture of what it’s supposed to look like!

 If you just fit the right pieces together, the picture takes shape and looks perfect. You may have a desired picture of what you want your life to look like, but because of sin, it’s never going to perfectly come together like you may wish for!  But God has promised us that if we trust his bigger plan for our lives, the disappointments of this life are not the final result. He has a bigger and better plan than we can ever envision! In Isaiah 55:6,8-9, God says through Isaiah “Seek the Lord will he may be found; call upon him while is near… For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

What great news for us all! Personally, my life has been turned upside down in the last few years. I have no idea how all the “pieces” are going to fit together, but I can trust God that he ALREADY knows my future and has better plans for me than I can even imagine!

I’ve been reading through Isaiah lately, and it’s an amazing book! God not only tells Isaiah to tell the nation of Israel that they will be punished for their disobedience and will be taken into captivity by Babylon, but he promises in future generations that he will forgive them and bring them back to their home and will bless them again! Not only that, but he gives them EVIDENCE of what he is going to do in the future! In chapter 41, Isaiah tells the people that after they are taken away into captivity by Babylon, God is going to rescue them and bring them back home. Isaiah says that 150 years in the future, God will raise up a King named Cyrus in Persia that will defeat Babylon and will let them return home, with money and materials to rebuild. And it happens exactly that way in the future! PLUS, Isaiah amazingly is given many prophecies about the coming of Jesus, telling exactly what he would be like ands how it would happen, 700 years before Jesus was even born!

Another good thing about a jigsaw puzzle is that is has an outer edge, a boundary, that you can piece together before you try to get all the inner pieces figured out!

Often life seems random and uncertain, and we wish we had some boundaries or guidelines to keep us on the right track! In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus talks about all the common worries we have in life, and tells us rather than worry about these common things, he says “Seek first his Kingdom and is righteousness, and all these things will be added to you”.

My life is uncertain right now, and yours may be also, but Jesus tells us when we focus on Him first, and desire to live a life in his Kingdom now and forever, he will give us all we need and direct us in the right steps to move forward into his plans for our future! Not only that, he offers us his help and rest as we face the struggle in life:

²⁸  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

FINALLY, AS MUCH AS WE MAY LOVE OUR FLAWED LIFE AND WORLD, DEEP DOWN, WE ALL LONG FOR SOMETHING WE KNOW IS FAR BETTER! WE LONG TO SEE THE “PUZZLE” OF OUR LIFE PUT TOGETHER, WHOLE AND COMPLETE AND WONDERFUL!

King Solomon, probably the wisest ruler who ever lived, said:

¹¹  He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.– Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV)

 No matter whether you believe in God or not, deep down, everybody knows that life can and should be better than this, and they wish for a life without the effects of sin. The concept of “eternity” is not just about unending time, but more so an amazing new way of life that we were created for, before sin ruined it all for us! Truly, the “best is yet to come” for those who trust in Jesus to not only save them from sin, but also lead and direct their lives as everlasting Lord!

Not only does Jesus help us get through this present world, broken by sin, but he promised to restore the world to its original state before sin, and for those who trust their lives to him, he will give us new bodies and sinless hearts to live in his new Kingdom forever! The ending of the book of Revelation gives us a glimpse of just how amazing this promised new future will look:

¹  Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ²  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴  He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” ⁵  He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” ⁶  He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. ⁷  He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son. Revelation 21:1-7 (NIV)

Right now, my life is a little bit uncertain, and I’m not quite sure how my future may look. Maybe you feel that way at times as well!

But, I’m not worried about it! God has provided everything I need and more to this point, and I know he has my back and he has my future! And even better, he already knows what it will look like and I can trust him to put the pieces together perfectly!

I hope you will trust Jesus with the pieces of your life today, and know his peace and joy as well!

I close with a prayer for all of us from Ephesians:

¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶  I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸  may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. ²⁰  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.  – Ephesians 3:14-21 (NIV)

¹⁶  So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! .  – 2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (NIV)

At various stages of life, we all struggle with our identity at times. Probably one of the most difficult phases is when we are in the Jr. High-High School years! We have advice from parents, teachers, coaches, youth leaders, but most significantly, we have peer pressure from our friends that can cause us to make either good or possibly damaging decisions that may influence the rest of our lives. And when you add the possible prospect of dating relationships into that mix, we can add all kinds of fear, doubt, and feelings of total insecurity into our lives! These years can be formative in positive and negative ways as we establish our identity!

I want to share with you a few insights I have discovered from an unexpected group of uncertain and yet wonderful people: those of us caught up in the strange, unpredictable, and sometimes nerve-racking world of Online Dating! (Yes, I’m actually doing that!) It’s been almost one year since my wife Claudia died, and for the past 4-5 months, I have been conversing with several women online and having some wonderful conversations! I seem to be pretty good at choosing women to talk to, because they have all been wonderful and mature Christian women that I seem to have many common interests with. I am talking with women in the general age group of 60-72, those who I can identify with, and I of course have chosen to focus on those who appear to have a strong and healthy Christian faith. There are plenty of strange, weird, and eccentric women on these sights as well, and as I have been told over and over, apparently even many more immature and childish men as well! Guys, if you ever have to get on these sites, act like a decent and humble guy, not like some bragging, impulsive, self-centered idiot. We are apparently not well represented on these sites, so try to be the man God has created you to be! And partly because of this, every woman I have talked with doesn’t like these sites very much at all and finds them very uncomfortable, and some even say they hate them!

The women I have talked with, at least, have all had good and in many ways fulfilling lives. They have all been good wives and mothers, even when marriages may have ended in divorce. They are intelligent, strong women of faith, and many have had very successful careers in life and found great fulfillment there.   Yet, because they have lost a spouse to death, or have suffered a divorce, their world has been shaken dramatically, and they are uncertain not only about their future, but their identity as well! And yes, we men feel very much the same way as well. One friend loved her identity as a wife, part of a wonderful team with her husband, and also loved raising her children to become mature adults. Now that her husband died of cancer, and her children are all grown and have their own lives, she struggles with her new identity and what purpose and plan God has for her for the rest of life. We who have lost a spouse of course grieve that loss, and miss being part of an intimate couple relationship. And to seek someone else now to share life with, with our age, baggage and history, is no simple task! And those going through a divorce also experience grief! They grieve the marriage they had hoped they were entering into, but over the years discovered they may have never had and maybe would never get to experience.   

Of course, add to that the fact that you have to make out a “profile” of yourself, telling others about yourself when you may not be sure yourself any longer, and that can be a little daunting. Plus, you need to put up a few pictures of yourself. We are all attracted to certain people, and not so attracted to others. And when you get to be in your 60’s and 70’s, you may come to the realization that you don’t look quite like you did when you were 25 or 35! All of this can make people who been well respected for 30-40 years by their family, community, friends, church, and work place, and felt very comfortable with who they were, suddenly feel a little like they are back in high school again, trying to find the right identity to be “liked and chosen” again. Many don’t like the idea of “putting themselves out there” again, and some feel like they are somehow “on the market” and find that uncomfortable and even humiliating.

SO, WHAT CAN WE CHRISTIANS DO TO HELP EACH OTHER OUT?

1) Remind your friends who are struggling with their identity right now, no matter what the cause, that they are very important to you as your friend, and that you value them just the way they are!

All of us suffer brokenness and uncertainty in life, because we live under the destructive effects of sin in this world. God has given us each other to walk together through the ups and downs of life! When Claudia was dying with cancer the past few years, we discovered a very comforting phrase that brought us much hope and peace: “We are walking each other home”! That’s not only a good thought for when we are facing death, but also as we go together through all the trails and uncertainty we each face in life. So if life is good for you right now, be thankful, and look around for those you can offer to “walk with” through their struggles!

2) Remind ourselves, and especially those who may be hurting around you, just who we are, already, in Jesus!

– We are new creations in Christ!

¹⁶  So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! .  – 2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (NIV)

Jesus is making us into new men and women, and one day we will live forever with him and each other in a New Heaven and New Earth combined, with amazing new bodies! So don’t look at yourself, or each other, as the world does!

– There is no condemnation for us anymore! We are set free from the effects of sin!

¹  Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ²  because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. – Romans 8:1-2 (NIV)

– We are a special and chosen people!

⁹  But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.¹⁰  Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. – 1 Peter 2:9-10 (NIV)
Even though you may not feel like it right now, you have been chosen by God to be part of a new and holy nation! And, we are here to declare the praises of God!

– God has saved us by his grace, to become his unique handiwork, or masterpiece!

⁸  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-⁹  not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰  For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. – Ephesians 2:8-10 (NIV)
You may feel uncertain about who you are right now, but remember that God is making you into a unique masterpiece, a one of a kind, special creation!

Finally, no matter how we may feel at any given time, and even though we may question who we are and what our purpose is, remember to rejoice in God, avoid worry, bring everything to God in prayer, and he will give us his peace and guard our hearts and minds!

 ⁴  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)