But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  – “Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

Even before my wife Claudia died on October 22, I had been thinking daily about what my future might look like after she died. After we got her “death sentence” from our doctor in February, we both discussed continually what her last months would look like if God chose not to heal her physically, and what my life might be like following that. These are not conversations you ever think you will have with your spouse, but most of us go through something like this at some point in time. I thought of such things as “Will I keep our home or sell it? Will I move to another area or state, or maybe go to Florida for 6 months a year like many? Will I stay close to be able to see all our kids & grandkids? And, will I consider getting remarried?” (Talk about a weird conversation to have with your wife!)

Well, this next year will determine the answer to many of those questions! What brings me hope and peace about the future is, in spite of several unknowns, I know that I belong to God and nothing will change that relationship. That means I know who I am, I will not change how I look at life, and my purpose for the future will not change at all! This might be described as a “Kingdom mentality”, an understanding for Christians that we are already partially in God’s Kingdom now, and will fully enter into the Kingdom in the next phase of life. Now, I know many non-believers hear talk like this and think “That sounds like all he is going to do is go to church and do Bible studies and have a pretty boring life!” While those are both part of “Kingdom life” (and are NOT boring), that is not even close to what life in God’s Kingdom is like!

Dr.  Tony Evans has done a lot of great research and teaching on God’s Kingdom. He defines God’s Kingdom agenda as “the visible manifestation of the comprehensive rule of God over every area of life”. And he defines a Kingdom man or woman as “someone who is consistently living under the rule of God and the Lordship of Jesus Christ over every area of their life.” This means we see all of life from God’s perspective as Kingdom people. God created this world and everything in it, and he created us in his image to enjoy the world and rule over it. And he wants us to have an intimate, loving relationship with him and each other. In what we call the “Lord’s Prayer”, Jesus has us pray to the Father, “Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven”… and, “Yours is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory forever.” When we consciously live under God’s rule in our lives, it brings us his power to live abundantly, and it brings glory to him.

For me, that means that all the enjoyable things I do in life are part of God’s plan for me, as long as I do them under his direction and see them from his perspective. So I plan to play a lot more golf this year, which also allows me to appreciate the beauty of God’s creation and develop new relationships with friends that may lead to eternal friendship in the Kingdom. I will go boating in my pontoon, fishing, and pulling the grandkids on the tube. This will help them learn the value God has given us for strong and healthy family ties. I will enjoy healthy dining in some of the great Michigan restaurants (an important retiree pastime!). I will enjoy the beauty of God’s creation in Michigan as I walk the magnificent beaches, dunes, and trails, and kayak on the rivers. I will enjoy the coastal towns and marinas, and shopping in the specialty shops. (Nah, not really! CJ loved the shopping, but I just loved being with her and walking around while she shopped!) And I will certainly enjoy blogging, and teaching small groups and men’s book and Bible studies. These groups have brought both CJ and I our closest and most supportive friends throughout our life, and have been the Christian brothers and sisters that we have lived everyday life with. The greatest thing about Kingdom life is that we have a Christian family of friends that will last for eternity!

As much as many aspects of my life will remain the same, it will of course be drastically different without CJ!  43 years of sharing life with someone as wonderful as CJ now leaves a large chasm in my heart that will only be bridged and healed by God’s touch and grace, in His timing. While I grieve her loss daily and wish she were back with me, I know she is amazingly happy in the presence of God now, and so I would never want her to leave the glory and beauty of God’s presence to be back here in this broken, sin-stained world, even though it would selfishly make me delighted.  Phil Paonessa, a good friend who lead music with CJ in our Clawson experience, told me of a song he had written for another friend years ago that had lost a son. The gist of the song was that our loved ones in Heaven are in a greater reality than we are, face to face with God. We live here by faith, trusting in God who we cannot yet see. But if I imagine Jesus holding CJ’s hand in Heaven right now, I can also reach out in faith and hold his hand from this side. Thus, the closer I am to Jesus, the closer I am also to CJ. And with Jesus holding our hands, we will see each other again in the future, and everything is going to be fine. That image brings me great comfort and hope!

CJ and I talked several times about the possibility of me getting remarried. (Weird, I know!) The thought of “dating” scares me to no end. I mentioned to CJ that I wasn’t that great at dating 43 years ago, and I’m probably not any better now! She graciously didn’t say anything, but I’m sure she was thinking “You’ve got that right, buddy!” After several talks, I decided that I have so enjoyed sharing every aspect of life with CJ for 43 years that I really can’t see myself staying alone for the (hopefully) 20 or so years I may have left. CJ said that would be ok, as long as the grandkids didn’t like the new person better than her! I assured her that as amazing as she was as Grandma, that would not be possible.

So, if there ends up being a woman in my future who is willing (and maybe foolish?) enough to date and possibly even marry me, there is one primary factor I will look for the most. And that is that she be a “Kingdom woman”, a Christian who looks to God to guide in all aspects of her life, and in the future to direct us in our marriage as well. CJ was such a woman for all the time I knew her, and her love and trust in God helped me become the kingdom man I am today. How could I possibly go backward? To marry someone who didn’t attempt see life from God’s perspective would weaken my relationship with God and that would in turn be unfair to her as well. And how sad would it be to marry someone who doesn’t believe in Jesus and know that after death you may never see them again for eternity? Anyway, these are some of the strange thoughts I wrestle with that I never thought I would have to. Like most men, I thought I would die first and CJ would have to deal with this stuff. I certainly wish it would have been me and not her, but it wasn’t, so my life will go forward with God’s help!

I close with a thought from Paul in Philippians:

¹³  Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴  I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. ¹⁵  Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you.  – Philippians 3:13-15 (ESV)

Of course, I will NEVER forget my wonderful 43 years of life with CJ! She was the love of my life, and always will be. But I do know that God is always calling us to move forward, pressing on toward the goal of eventually being fully with God in Heaven, and then returning to live with him in the future on the New Earth and Heaven forever. What a day that will be!

Please pray that God will give me his wisdom, peace, and patience as I move forward into the new aspects of life that he has for me. I know they will be good, because God is good!

And I will pray for God’s hand to guide you all as well, as you seek to live as Kingdom men and women of God.