¹⁶  So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! .  – 2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (NIV)

At various stages of life, we all struggle with our identity at times. Probably one of the most difficult phases is when we are in the Jr. High-High School years! We have advice from parents, teachers, coaches, youth leaders, but most significantly, we have peer pressure from our friends that can cause us to make either good or possibly damaging decisions that may influence the rest of our lives. And when you add the possible prospect of dating relationships into that mix, we can add all kinds of fear, doubt, and feelings of total insecurity into our lives! These years can be formative in positive and negative ways as we establish our identity!

I want to share with you a few insights I have discovered from an unexpected group of uncertain and yet wonderful people: those of us caught up in the strange, unpredictable, and sometimes nerve-racking world of Online Dating! (Yes, I’m actually doing that!) It’s been almost one year since my wife Claudia died, and for the past 4-5 months, I have been conversing with several women online and having some wonderful conversations! I seem to be pretty good at choosing women to talk to, because they have all been wonderful and mature Christian women that I seem to have many common interests with. I am talking with women in the general age group of 60-72, those who I can identify with, and I of course have chosen to focus on those who appear to have a strong and healthy Christian faith. There are plenty of strange, weird, and eccentric women on these sights as well, and as I have been told over and over, apparently even many more immature and childish men as well! Guys, if you ever have to get on these sites, act like a decent and humble guy, not like some bragging, impulsive, self-centered idiot. We are apparently not well represented on these sites, so try to be the man God has created you to be! And partly because of this, every woman I have talked with doesn’t like these sites very much at all and finds them very uncomfortable, and some even say they hate them!

The women I have talked with, at least, have all had good and in many ways fulfilling lives. They have all been good wives and mothers, even when marriages may have ended in divorce. They are intelligent, strong women of faith, and many have had very successful careers in life and found great fulfillment there.   Yet, because they have lost a spouse to death, or have suffered a divorce, their world has been shaken dramatically, and they are uncertain not only about their future, but their identity as well! And yes, we men feel very much the same way as well. One friend loved her identity as a wife, part of a wonderful team with her husband, and also loved raising her children to become mature adults. Now that her husband died of cancer, and her children are all grown and have their own lives, she struggles with her new identity and what purpose and plan God has for her for the rest of life. We who have lost a spouse of course grieve that loss, and miss being part of an intimate couple relationship. And to seek someone else now to share life with, with our age, baggage and history, is no simple task! And those going through a divorce also experience grief! They grieve the marriage they had hoped they were entering into, but over the years discovered they may have never had and maybe would never get to experience.   

Of course, add to that the fact that you have to make out a “profile” of yourself, telling others about yourself when you may not be sure yourself any longer, and that can be a little daunting. Plus, you need to put up a few pictures of yourself. We are all attracted to certain people, and not so attracted to others. And when you get to be in your 60’s and 70’s, you may come to the realization that you don’t look quite like you did when you were 25 or 35! All of this can make people who been well respected for 30-40 years by their family, community, friends, church, and work place, and felt very comfortable with who they were, suddenly feel a little like they are back in high school again, trying to find the right identity to be “liked and chosen” again. Many don’t like the idea of “putting themselves out there” again, and some feel like they are somehow “on the market” and find that uncomfortable and even humiliating.

SO, WHAT CAN WE CHRISTIANS DO TO HELP EACH OTHER OUT?

1) Remind your friends who are struggling with their identity right now, no matter what the cause, that they are very important to you as your friend, and that you value them just the way they are!

All of us suffer brokenness and uncertainty in life, because we live under the destructive effects of sin in this world. God has given us each other to walk together through the ups and downs of life! When Claudia was dying with cancer the past few years, we discovered a very comforting phrase that brought us much hope and peace: “We are walking each other home”! That’s not only a good thought for when we are facing death, but also as we go together through all the trails and uncertainty we each face in life. So if life is good for you right now, be thankful, and look around for those you can offer to “walk with” through their struggles!

2) Remind ourselves, and especially those who may be hurting around you, just who we are, already, in Jesus!

– We are new creations in Christ!

¹⁶  So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! .  – 2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (NIV)

Jesus is making us into new men and women, and one day we will live forever with him and each other in a New Heaven and New Earth combined, with amazing new bodies! So don’t look at yourself, or each other, as the world does!

– There is no condemnation for us anymore! We are set free from the effects of sin!

¹  Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ²  because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. – Romans 8:1-2 (NIV)

– We are a special and chosen people!

⁹  But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.¹⁰  Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. – 1 Peter 2:9-10 (NIV)
Even though you may not feel like it right now, you have been chosen by God to be part of a new and holy nation! And, we are here to declare the praises of God!

– God has saved us by his grace, to become his unique handiwork, or masterpiece!

⁸  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-⁹  not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰  For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. – Ephesians 2:8-10 (NIV)
You may feel uncertain about who you are right now, but remember that God is making you into a unique masterpiece, a one of a kind, special creation!

Finally, no matter how we may feel at any given time, and even though we may question who we are and what our purpose is, remember to rejoice in God, avoid worry, bring everything to God in prayer, and he will give us his peace and guard our hearts and minds!

 ⁴  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)